with my big black boots and an old suitcase

So, apparently I haven't updated since 2007. And sorry about that fake-out switch to a new blog. That kind of fizzled, because it started out way too angsty for even me to maintain.

I'm not sure what to say for myself re: blogging. I'll probably look back on my early-mid-twenties with a bit of embarrassment about how little I communicated, and how depress-ed/-ing I was when I did. I just looked back on that entry where I spilled all of my deepest darkest secrets to you all, and wow. I'd forgotten about that.

Just so you know, I have been on anti-depressants since then. And I turned 25, which I really think has evened me out in some ways.

Now, LJ, let me tell you all about what's going on in the main arenas of my life!

1. I'm getting married! To Lydia! (You can see my first mention of her by name in this blog here.) We've spent a lot of time talking about this, and coming to terms with the whole idea of marriage, and have decided that it is, indeed, for us. Now if only it were legal. I know I haven't given our relationship a whole lot of LJ coverage since our short-lived breakup (almost 3 years ago!), but believe me that we are very committed to one another and love each other more than ever.

2. I think I've finally figured out what I want to be when I grow up, and have taken steps to get there. Which means -- applying to grad school! With any luck, I will be starting a library science program next fall, and someday I'll be a librarian.

3. I'm starting a new job at Expedia next week. I've been unemployed for 2 (!) months, and working in dead-end temp assignments for 10 months before that. This new job pays well, is something I'm good at, doesn't involve selling things or smelling like mayonnaise, and is not temp work. I am quite pleased. I'm especially excited about the part where my coworkers are going to bother to learn my name, as I'll be there longer than a couple of months.

4. I haven't been good at keeping in contact with my friends. I'm making an effort to fix that. (First step, this entry!) Lydia and I had dinner the other night with Lexi (who, by the way, deserves a congratulations on her engagement and elaborate proposal). If I cooked, would my Seattle friends want to schlep over here for dinner sometime? I'll work on actually extending specific invitations over the coming months. And don't worry; if my cooking sucks, we live in walking distance of something like 50 take out places. You will not go hungry.

Anyway, I'll try to keep this up, as some of you have suggested I should.

I miss the person I used to be.

My life has changed so much in the past year (or more). I wish I'd cared enough to make note of it.

To be continued here.

right now:

*the smoke alarm over the stairs is beeping. nothing we can do about it until morning.

*all the lights are out on our street, except for our apartment.

*there's fog around the street lamps.

*I'm not used to being up so late.

*I have a somewhat annoyed (due to the beeping!) and probably sleeping girlfriend waiting for me in our bedroom.

*I also have a fluffy cat waiting to curl up next to me and attack my feet in the middle of the night.

Lydia and I had a mini-fight today, and I stormed off to the bedroom. We talked, though, and everything's ok. it was one of those things where I assumed she meant something she didn't, and she assumed I knew what she meant.
our relationship in general has been so much better since we've actually started communicating.

you know, I'm such a private person, that I never really talk about me and Lydia. especially not on LJ. but I guess that's probably not completely healthy. that's part of what's kept me from posting very much for the past few years. I'm trying to get past that, hence the random info about our miscommunication-fight.

anyway, as I said, I have a cat and a girlfriend waiting, so I should probably go.

'night all.

Happy Birthday, Lydia!

Now you're old, like me.

Just so you know...

nose bleed + peirced nose = teh suck

and it's slightly inconvenient to be covered in blood at work. you know.

I'm just afraid that one of the nurses will try to sanitize me.

So, a few days ago I calculated exactly how much debt I'm in, and the answer prompted me to come crawling back to Providence. Which is where I am right now. (Shhh! I'm so sneaky, posting at work and all.) I'm working 10 hour days between my two jobs, and this will continue indefinitely (or until they kick me out of Prov).

Anyway, it has to be said that they've given me the crappiest chair in the whole office. My back really hurts right now.

Half an hour 'til I can leave!

I got my tattoo today! Or, at least the outline and shading. I'll go back later for the coloring.

( pictures! )
Photos courtesy of Lexi.
:D


Bride Of Theme From Blinking Lights * Eels * Live At Town Hall

Hung out with Lexi and Jon yesterday and today. Much fun was had.

I'm not working tomorrow, so I don't know what to do with myself. Me and J might go shopping. I still haven't gotten christmas presents for my parents.

I'm not working at Prov this week because "my schedule won't allow it." Never mind the fact that I have two days off (in a row!) from Apple. I hate Providence so so so much. Supposedly, they won't need me after next week. But my original contract was through the beginning of November, so I don't know if I believe them. Working there sucks my soul out my ears. It's boring and monotonous, everyone (including my boss) ignores me the whole time, and when they actually do talk to me, it's usually to say something horribly bitchy or rude. I am so sick of working in female dominated fields. But soon I will be free. :D

Anyway.... I'm getting a tattoo on Saturday (I guess the secret is kinda out by now). Lexi's going with me for moral support. Stacia, would you like to join us?


It's A Motherfucker * Eels * Live At Town Hall

As Lydia already pointed out, it is my birthday today.
It's been an uneventful day so far. Right now I'm waiting for my laundry to dry so I can get dressed.
No one who's currently home has remembered my birthday, so far. My mom called me from work, though, to say happy birthday. When she gets home, we're all going out for sushi! That's impressive, since I'm the only one in the family who actually likes sushi.
A neighbor kid keeps riding up and down the street on an ATV, dragging a skateboard behind him. For some reason that makes it sound like someone is skateboarding up and down our driveway. It took me a while to figure out what was going on. I kept getting up to look out the window to see who was on our driveway, but no one was there.
Oh well.
This entry is very mundane. I guess I'll go check on my clothes.

So word is getting around at work that I'm moving. And I just found out that there's a rumor that I'm also getting married.
WHAT?!?

I'm beginning to hate Oakland. This morning as I was about to drive to work, I discovered a brick in the driver's seat of my car and a rather completely smashed passenger side window. My iPod (which was being kept out of sight in my glove box) is now gone, as is it's car charger. I called the police in the naive hope that even if I couldn't get my stuff back, I could file a police report. Ha. They refused to do anything for me.
So I missed work and had to spend $160 to get the window replaced.
My next door neighbor is one of those friendly paranoid old people who sits at his window all the time watching the street. I was parked in front of his house and while Lydia and I were cleaning up the glass he came out and apologized for not seeing or hearing it happen. And then he told us about when some guy broke into his house and robbed him at gunpoint. 0_0

So I guess this is probably a good time to announce that I'm moving back to Seattle. I've been planning on it for the past few weeks (I gave notice at my job last week), but I've been keeping quiet about it. I'm not sure why.

I'm tired of CA, I'm tired of not being able to afford rent outside of the ghetto, I'm tired of barely getting by, I'm tired of being afraid that my stuff will get stolen or destroyed. Most of all, I'm tired of being constantly reminded that my recently acquired BA means absolutely nothing in the job market because I don't want to go into psychology anymore.

So the plan right now is to move sometime near the end of September, put my furniture in storage and retreat to my parents house for a while. I'll look for a job, save money, find a long term place to live, acquire a pet of the banned-in-CA variety, and try to coerce my way into classes (and possible eventual post-bac degree) at the UW (or maybe a different school) for the winter quarter.

So anyone know of any job openings this fall?

And... anyone want to go see the Dresden Dolls with me at the Showbox in October? $18 tickets. (long way off, I know)

Girlscout * Jack Off Jill * Sexless Demons And Scars

So...
It's been a long time since I've updated. And a lot has happened.

Most importantly, Lydia and I are back together. We've pretty much figured out what our problems were before and hopefully we can fix them.

In other news, Valerie has moved out. This is simultaneously infuriating and relieving. She's done so much to make me mad the past few weeks. This whole situation has made me feel broken. Before she moved out, I was afraid to go home to my apartment.

I think the part that makes me the most angry is how much of my emotional energy she's taken up. Which I guess I can't completely blame her for. Everyone tells me not to take it personally, but I do.

The whole time I've been writing this, I've been hearing a strange squeaking sound. Curiosity has finally gotten to me, so I followed it and discovered a litter of kittens outside the window of the faculty lounge across the hall (I'm at work, if you can't guess).

yay kittens! they fill me with glee!

And on that note, I should probably get back to work.

I'm at work (as usual these days). I just now knocked over a huuuuuge stack of folding chairs while getting something off a shelf in the server room.
I totally win.

OW.

I feel hated and I'm not quite sure what I've done do deserve such a thing... any ideas?



[and before anyone asks, no, this has nothing to do with Lydia. we're getting along fantastically, considering.]


PS - is it your birthday, Elisabeth? I seem to remember that it was at the end of one of the M months... if I'm wrong, never mind, but if I somehow managed to remember it after 10 years, then happy birthday. :D

...Lydia and I are no longer dating.

I'm at work right now. I totally just sliced open two of my fingers on a keyboard. Didn't know that was possible.

OW.

Now I am typing with my pinkies. Very inefficient.

I've gotten so much done today. . . and it's still light out!

The Fox in the Snow * Rasputina * My Fever Broke

I'm in the psych lab right now, waiting for my next test subject and writing a paper.
Outside it's raining torrentially.
I hope I don't drown.
And I hope my subjects don't drown on the way here...
Oh noes.

my dog was put to sleep today.

Happy Birthday, Lydia!

You don't have a clue,
what it is like
to be next to you.

I'm here to tell you,
that it is good,
that it is true.

Chorus:
Birds singing a song,
old paint is peeling,
this is that fresh
that fresh feeling.
Words can't be that strong,
my heart is realing,
this is that fresh,
that fresh feeling.

Try, try to forget,
what's in the past,
tomorrow is here.

Love, orange sky above,
lighting your way
there's nothing to fear.

Chorus

Some people are good,
babe in the hood,
so pure and so free.

I'd make a safe bet,
you're gonna get,
whatever you need.

Chorus

That fresh feeling.
This is that fresh feeling.

[I think this is one of the best "love songs" I've ever heard. But maybe you have to actually hear it to get that.]

Fresh Feeling * Eels * Souljacker

I found my glasses!

Nightingale * Saves The Day * Stay What You Are

I totally need to stop writing all my term papers about death. I really didn't mean for that to happen.

that said, I've reached the halfway point on my 10 page paper. and I only actually started writing about an hour and a half ago.

wish me luck on finishing.

3:30 AM UPDATE: I totally made that paper my bitch. uh... I mean, I'm done. and now I sleep.

Dear Ms/Mr Sandwich maker:
Please do not hide strange foods in my sandwich. In particular, please do not hide fish in my sandwich. It is very upsetting to bite into what you think is an egg salad sandwich only to discover that it is really an egg salad and salmon sandwich. No one should be caught off guard by fish.



Wig In A Box * Various Artists * Hedwig And The Angry Inch

I just got back from my film class screening of 400 Blows and Last Year at Marienbad. the second was quite strange, but not as confusing as I had been expecting.

and I've figured out my schedule for next semester.
I'm taking:
Cognitive Psych
Senior Project (w/Crystal, with Dean as the advisor)
Seminar in Media Criticism (for my Film Studies minor)
and........
a Special Topics course called Popular Cinema in India
I'm taking a class on Bollywood. :D and Burke says he'll count that towards my minor.
and of course I'm taking my various music stuff again.

and I just heard from Alicia, one of my best friends from elementary school. and she has a livejournal. :D Hi, Alicia!

Friday I'm In Love (acoustic version) * The Cure * Greatest Hits (Acoustic Hits - Bonus Disc)

Lydia drew me a picture on my birthday. I just remembered that I have a scanner, so here it is:
( picture! )

so, I'm totally 22 now.
::runs away to piano lesson::

I'm listening to sad music and eating pomegranate seeds. I hope that doesn't commit me to anything. The pomegranate, I mean.

I've been feeling kind of defeated lately. And I've been reading a lot in general, but I'm taking books too personally.
Lydia is taking this class on young adult novels, and I've been looking at all the books she has to read (one of which I read when I was in elementary school). Since I've been stressed out and reading mostly things like Kuhn's The Structure of Scientific Revolutions, I decided to read Annie On My Mind, which is on the banned book list, for those of you keeping track. I liked it in general. But like I said before, I have been taking books too personally. and getting too attached to characters. you know.
Lydia just told me that she's lucky to have me. (She's sharing the pomegranate with me.)

Earlier I burst into tears at the prospect of designing flyers to promote archery club (of which I am now co-president. oh dear.). But I managed to get it done, and I even went to Kinko's to get pretty, colorful copies made. Those of you on campus, keep an eye out for them. and join the club. yeah.

I took pictures of my room earlier so I can show off to non-Mills people how awesome our housing is. but it takes so much effort to upload pictures... ah, I'll just do it.

wow. my internet connection sucks ass. I guess I'll finish this entry in a few hours when my pictures finally finish uploading....

so here they are:
( pictures! )

and I suppose that's that.
{entry finished several hours after being started...}

I signed up for a new practice room yesterday, but I didn't get a chance to look at it until today, after my first piano lesson.
and it is awesome!
they moved me to the second floor, so I'm closer to the CCM and classrooms, but that's ok. if I play really bad, I can just call it experimental, or something.
so far I'm the only one in the room, but that will probably change soon, considering the number of new students. but it's ok if I have a practice roommate, because the room is huge! and the piano is much better than the one I had last year. soooooo much better.
[last year I was sharing a room with a drummer, and cellist, and the cellist's bicycle. in a tiny, closet sized room...]
I'm very excited. but nervous because....
I have to audition this year! tomorrow actually. and I didn't practice the whole time I was in Ireland. I think it'll go ok, though... but I'm going to be really nervous.
and I'm going to try to start viola lessons this year, too. :D I'm still trying to get ahold of the viola teacher, though. wish me luck.

Pictures Of You * The Cure * Disintegration

so, I'm back, as of yesterday.
and right now Eve, Rachel W. and Crystal are sitting in my room.
and I kind of am catching up on livejournal entries while they talk.
but everyone once in a while I catch something one of them says... like:
"Why would Snape have goats?!?"

I missed the Company. indeed I did.

just to let you know, I'm back from Ireland.
if anyone wants to hang out, we should plan something. I'm going to be going back to california in a little more than 2 weeks, I think
right now I'm house sitting with my sister, though, so I'm not on the internet much. but email me or call me, and I'll get the message.

so, I'm leaving for Dublin tomorrow morning. I'll be gone until the end of july.
if you want a postcard (and I do want to send lots of them) you better email me your address so I'll actually be able to send them. I should have access to email while I'm there, but I'm not sure how much.
and, uh, the postcard thing goes for those of you I haven't actually met, too. postcards for all!
I'm kind of nervous about my trip / study abroad / everything. but it'll be cool.
and lexi! would you be up for a possible visit at some point?

Will You Remember? * The Cranberries * To The Faithful Departed

I'm sorry for the ambiguous post yesterday. I'll just say that everything that was bothering me has been resolved.

and I finally managed to get the music I wrote and performed in my computer music class onto my computer (was on a cassette tape. blah.) and onto the internet.
so please please listen?
anxiety
coincidental misfortune
downpour

they might take a while to load, so if you only feel like listening to one, listen to coincidental misfortune. I think it's the best one.

and please give me input as to whether they are loud enough. I can easily change that.

I am having a very bad day.

I'm back from texas.
uh... I guess I forgot to mention that I went to texas. but yeah, I'm back now.
and I have a bruise on my back that's shaped strangly like the spindle of cds that was on Lydia's floor. ow.
I'm mostly posting to test out a new posting client thing. yeah. it seems cool, but there's no spell check, so I don't know.... I might just have to learn to spell on my own.
I'm leaving for Ireland in exactly a week.

yay! I'm going to visit Lydia in two weeks!
I just bought tickets last night after miraculously finding a cheap fare.

first I have to clean my house though....

I'm back in washington. Lydia's here, too, until monday.
yep.

so Lydia and I went to the Rasputina concert last night... :D :D :D
it was awesome
we managed to get close enough to take these pictures:
( click to see cello bow hairs flying! )

Melora was playing so vigorously that the hairs on her bow kept breaking.

and Lydia and I managed to procure a very in demand item for her sister. we rock.

Rock & Roll * Rasputina * A Radical Recital

Fencing: done
Piano: done; recital went well (see last post)
Visual Thinking: done; Lydia and I are brilliant
Archaeology: done; had the final last night
Research Methods: final
Philosophy: final

Home: will be there approx. a week from tomorrow
Room: will be packed and in a box by friday morning
Rasputina concert: will be attended on wednesday night :D
Earthquake: occurred last night in the wee hours of the morning before we went to sleep
Project Geekdom: working on it as we speak

oh, and by the way, I'm quitting my job at the tea shop after three long years of having my soul sucked out painfully. I can safely say I won't miss it. or I probably will, seeing as how I'm insane, but hopefully that will be short-lived.

Rock 'n' Roll * Rasputina * The Lost & Found, 2nd Ed. - EP

I had my piano recital / party today. it was strange because everyone else was really nervous (one girl was physically shaking while she played), but I wasn't really nervous. I mean, I was afraid of screwing up, and I did make a few mistakes, but I was mostly just in performance mode.
I feel kind of strange when I perform by myself. it's like my mind goes completely blank, except for the music. which, I guess, is ideal. I just noticed it this time because I haven't really experienced that since my last guitar recital before Evan died.
to be honest, I was the most nervous during the party afterwards. I'm shy like that.

and on my way back to the dorm some asshole in a black jetta nearly killed me. but oh well.

and you know how people will present their sexuality as a major part of their personalities? you know... "Hi, I'm so and so and I'm gay..." Lydia and I just decided that everyone should do the same thing with their philosophical views in place of their sexuality. for example, "Hi, I'm Lydia and I'm a Lockean with a preference for Kierkegaard..." (sorry if I misquoted you, Lydia)

[edited to include Lydia's true philosophical leanings]


Momma Was An Opium Smoker [Melora Mix] * Rasputina * Frustration Plantation (Disc 2): Poor Relations In The Shed Out Back

Visual Thinking: finished
Fencing: sadly, finished
Research Methods: research proposal, final
Philosophy: final
Archaeology: final

watched Glen or Glenda (Ed Wood) and Twilight of a Woman's Soul (Evgeni Bauer). very different films.

more details later. I am tired.

if anyone wants a gmail account, I just checked and I seem to have 50 invitations.
so... yeah. let me know. and in this case, feel free to respond, even if I don't know you, 'cause 50 is a lot, considering most people I know who would want one seem to have one.

The Good Old Days * Eels * Shootenanny!

there's this web service thing you can use to keep track of addresses, and since Nikki sent me an email asking me to sign up for it, I did and now I'm trying it...

go here if you feel compelled to join and let me know your address...

as far as I can tell, you choose who can see your information, so I think it's pretty secure...

p.s. even if you don't want to sign up for that service, I still am interesting in keeping my address book up to date, so I'd love it if you guys could email me your contact information. if you do, I'll try to start writing actual letters to people.

p.p.s. this message applies to everyone on my friends list. if you aren't on my list, at least introduce yourself to me before you start giving me your contact info.

p.p.p.s if anyone is interested, I got a gmail email address: a . failed . experiment @ gmail . com [minus all the spaces]

Lollirot * Jack Off Jill * Sexless Demons And Scars

so...
I was taking a shower this morning afternoon, and someone came into the bathroom talking on a cell phone. and I hoped she just needed to run in and get something, or wash her hands or something. but then I heard sounds to indicate that she was using the restroom to it's full function, all while talking on her phone.

my thoughts are, in the following order:
1. ewwwwww
2. the call couldn't wait? it sounded like she was just chatting.
3. if the call really couldn't wait, could the trip to the bathroom wait instead?
4. if any of you ever try to talk to me on the phone while you pee, I will never speak to you again.
5. I'm wondering if there was a certain degree of "look at me, I'm so cool, I have a cell phone and can use it to talk about useless junk while I pee!"

and she left without washing her hands. ewwwwwwwww again.

Bad Moon Rising * Rasputina * The Lost & Found, 2nd Ed. - EP

( kind of abstract . . . )


yes, that is a picture of my hair.

Star No Star * Jack Off Jill * Clear Hearts Grey Flowers

I just finished an APA style research report about an experiment my research methods class did.
my brain is gone.
I don't ever want to do psychological research again.

pretty good, though, considering I didn't start it until about 7. now I have to try to pull the same trick on my [easier, more interesting] archaeology paper before thursday.

I watched Osama last night with Lydia and Crystal.
and, yeah... you all should see it.

Mint Car * The Cure * Galore